Backdraft (conclusion)

Standing here looking at the lights, she felt a presence and turned her head to see the old chaplain standing next to her.

“Have you forgiven her yet?”

He said it as though their conversation begun with his comment in her hospital room had continued through the years. Here beside the Christmas lights the question seemed as natural as the evergreens in front of them.

“Does it matter? It’s been so many years.”

She could hardly believe it, but his standing next to her didn’t bother her as it had that very first time. It didn’t frighten her as it had in her dream, nor surprise her as it had at the grocery store. It seemed, in fact, somehow good – like he was a very old friend.

“Forgiveness always matters.”

She stood, breathing white puffs into the night while the tree lights sparkled, the darkness exposing their beauty and color.

She thought about the neighbor, the woman whose jealousy of her happy life had inflamed the hostile act. That day’s destruction was not limited to dwelling, but extended to thought and emotion, trust and memory. She breathed another vapor of white into the air. She was tired of it all. She knew now that she really did want to let it go; let all of it go. She wanted to release the debt. She nodded her head. Yes. She forgave the neighbor. She knew she could, and she really did.

commons.wikimedia.orgGazing anew at the Christmas lights, she breathed in their beauty and goodness. It seemed suddenly that their friendly, sparkling light shot into her soul baptizing it with warmth and brightness. She looked into the old chaplain’s compassionate eyes and saw in them her reflection.

She blinked and peered more closely. Slowly she brought her hand up to her face, the skin between her thumb and forefinger no longer webbed. As she ran her fingers over her now smooth skin, she closed her eyes against the tears pooling there. Was it true? Had the stranger’s comment long ago in the agony of her hospital room really taken place? Surely not. But she had forgiven – she knew that much – and when she had determined to let the transgression go, she really had felt a very strange pulse run through her body.

“What happened?” she asked as she opened her eyes.

But the old chaplain wasn’t there, and the Christmas lights glowed brighter into the cold, dark night.

Image: commons.wikimedia.org_.png

Backdraft

She exhaled a puff of white that momentarily hung in the air before vanishing into the darkness. Hugging herself with her arms, she shivered; but she would stay just awhile longer to enjoy what she had come to see. They were pretty: twinkling beauty against the cold, night air. The lights had been strung the weekend before on evergreens encircling the skating rink. The tiny white bulbs that had graced the pines all the years before had been moved to the bushes and deciduous trees outside city hall. Resting in the now bare-boned branches, the lights gave a certain panache to the surroundings of the otherwise unremarkable building by which they stood.392px-Beeston_MMB_67_Christmas_lights_switch-on wikimedia commons

But the red and green, blue and purple lights now lending their sparkle to the rink’s evergreen edge were amazing. She thought, as she gazed at them, she hadn’t seen anything so stunning in a long time. A very long time.

It had been ten years now since the fire, but in her mind it was yesterday. A neighbor – one she barely knew – who had resented her happy life even as she smiled and waved each time they met had channeled her jealousy into a lighted match thrown onto her morning paper resting on the jute rug in her small, enclosed front porch. Her morning ritual to switch off the outdoor light and get the newspaper had resulted in a backdraft which sent her to the hospital for treatment she wished she could forget and a future she wished she could escape.

A morning jogger had provided testimony of the event, and the neighbor had gotten five years and the satisfaction of destroying the irritating happy life.

Knowing what had happened and why and punishing the perpetrator couldn’t change the image she saw every time she looked in the mirror. Her scarred face and neck, once pretty – some said beautiful – were oppressive to see. The scars seemed to thicken with every year and a quiet, gnawing sadness grew with them.

She had avoided anything to do with fire, even light, at first. After its inhabitant had returned from the hospital, the neighbors saw a dark house, its interior as devoid of light as its owner’s soul. Light was unavoidable, of course, and gradually she had allowed it in its many forms to filter back into her life. She had left all light switches untouched for a long time; but one day she had turned on a lamp, and the next week she turned on the kitchen light. She was able to flick those switches now, but only one room at a time. There was no point in wasting electricity.

It had been easy to remove reflective surfaces – vases, silverplate, mirrors. The bathroom mirror had stayed. It was like living with an old friend she no longer appreciated. She didn’t need a mirror to remind her of the fire’s wrath. She saw it in the pitying faces of friends and the curious, repulsed, stolen glances of strangers. She felt it in the webbing between her thumb and forefinger.

A visitor to her hospital room had told her that maybe one day her skin would be as good as new, but forgiveness was more important than skin. It had to do with the inner pain, the pain that would never go away without it. He, she supposed, was an old chaplain looking for something to do or say; but his words were harsh. Forgiveness of the neighbor? Forgiveness of someone who had caused her such grief and pain seemed ridiculous. She hoped that neighbor would live hand to mouth, that she would have trouble finding work because of her criminal record, that she was disgusted with herself. The nurse attending her just then had completely ignored him. People could give care without caring, she had thought at the time. She had ignored him, too.

She had ignored everyone at first. It was two years after the explosion when she saw the old chaplain in a dream. He just stood, looking at her, waiting. The next time was at the grocery store. Well, actually, she couldn’t be sure about that. She had thought she’d caught a glance, but when she looked more closely, he was gone. She thought about the jealous neighbor, and wondered where she was now.

to be continued…

Image: Beeston_MMB_67_Christmas_lights_switch-on-wikimedia-commons.jpg; creative commons lic.

Middle-Age, Teenagers, and the Twilight Zone

Who knew a Thanksgiving post could cause so much trouble? Or treble. Or whatever. Here’s the thing. I am the mother of a teenage boy. The other teenagers in my life grew into young ladies who moved out and sporadically return through what is now the revolving door stage of young adulthood. As that mother (my kind is out there in the thousands – you know who you are), I hear music on a regular basis that I would otherwise not normally choose to listen to. So – I can’t believe I’m saying this – I silently cheered for Justin Bieber long after everyone else had deserted him. I only recently deleted him from the likes on my Facebook page and still pray for him from time to time. After all, no one is beyond change and he really does have talent. C’mon. Like If I Was Your Boyfriend was never playing on a loop in your subconscious. I liked Taylor Swift from the first song I heard her sing. She may appear to be a cutesy songstress, but that girl is nobody’s fool. She’s laughing all the way to the bank with her latest song which, by the way, I think is amusing in its over-the-top portrayal of the serial relationships the media criticize her about.

This short background leads us to a conversation between me and two of the former teenagers I had about my latest post which they didn’t read. I’ll admit, when I first heard All About That Bass, I felt sorry for the artist because it sounded like she couldn’t hit that low note no matter how hard she tried. However, that tune is extremely catchy and she had come up with a winner. She even sang it on the Country Music Awards with Miranda Lambert-Shelton. I saw it. It was entertaining. Back to the treble trouble. Apparently the mama in Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass, wasn’t referring to a husband when she told the singer (and let’s just insert the word “reportedly” here) that “boys they like a little more booty to hold at night”. You didn’t hear it, but I sighed out loud just now. My world and the world that my kids say is reality collide in these songs. en.wikipediaIn my world anyone who snuggles by any kind of your booty – pirate booty, baby bootie, or snow bootie – is married to you, and AND! No mother worth her salt would tell her daughter that a boy who would want anything outside of marital bliss is someone they should even give a second look.

My ensuing blog post is pretty in sync and I will not, WILL NOT retract just because someone has their mind in the gutter. Plus, of my blog readers, I suspect exactly 2 have even heard the song. I encourage you, UNITE! Deny the baseness of All About That Bass and embrace the message about accepting your size, and I quote, “Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top”.

As for me, I’m going to go have another piece of leftover cranberry cake with caramel sauce. The conversation about what exactly evaporated milk is or what they do to milk to make it sweetened condensed (oh, don’t tempt me to relive that conversation) will have to wait for another day.

Image: en.wikipedia; Quote: All About That Bass by Meghan Trainor

Plan For Just In Case, Just In Case, No Trouble

Umm – well, I’m sorry, but not sorry enough to resist. Look for my guest post on Kimberly Rose Johnson’s blog on Thanksgiving Day!

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You know I plan for just in case, just in case, No trouble;
I plan for just in case, just in case, No trouble;
I  plan for just in case, just in case, No trouble;
I plan for just in case, just in case!

Listen to me, dear, I say this is true;
We will make it, make it like Grandma wants us to
Get work done ahead, you know just in case
Of what the heck happens in all the wrong places;

You know the magazines and Martha Stewart’s choice
Make it seem it’s a snap to make the turkey moist
We’ve got our  home-made, home-made and something in a jar
‘Cause there is nothing more exciting than some extras at the door!

Yea, the talk shows they say not to worry about THE day;
They say your guests will love it and you’ve no real cause for dismay;
If the oven’s on fire or the rolls haven’t risen a wink,
Just put on a smile and dump them in the kitchen sink.

Because you know I plan for just in case, just in case, No trouble;
I plan for just in case, just in case, No trouble;
I plan for just in case, just in case, No trouble;
I plan for just in case, just in case.

We’re bringin’ the doughboy back
He’s never let us down,
Perfectly browned; Yea!
We’re all together now,
And the rest is just as perfect from the prayer to the dessert!

Yea, the talk shows they say not to worry about THE day;
They say your guests will love it and you’ve no real cause for dismay;
If the oven’s on fire or the rolls haven’t risen a wink,
Just put on a smile and dump them in the kitchen sink.

Because you know I plan for just in case, just in case, No trouble;
I plan for just in case, just in case, No trouble;
I plan for just in case, just in case, No trouble;
I plan for just in case, just in case…

flickr, marc levin-the table is set...Happy Thanksgiving. CC lic 2.0

Riff from All About That Bass by Meghan Trainor;
image: flickr.Marc Levin.creativecommons lic. 2.0

 

 

If I Could Tell Of What I’ve Been Given

If I could tell how much I’ve been given;                                                                               Of clear, cloudless days and of warm, balmy nights;
Of sparkling light on the lake’s deep blue waters;                                                              And misty spring mornings all dressed in delight;

If I could tell of God’s goodness around me;                                                                        Of kindness and help when I needed it most;                                                                      Of people who give up their time for another;                                                                      Of firewood and tea and marshmallows to roast;

Of musky fall evenings, Of still winter nights;                                                                       Of shrieks from some children who tear through the room;                                                 Of shy smiles, Of bear hugs, Of chocolate, Of music;                                                        Of good books and sweet looks, a full harvest moon;

If I could indeed tell of what I’ve been given                                                                          I’d spend every breath of my nights and my days                                                            Just telling and telling again of God’s goodness                                                               And raising my voice in His infinite praise.

pixabay, CC0 Public Domain

Give Thanks     Nina Hale - Flickr C. CC by 2.0

commons.wikimedia.org. creativecommons lic        www.pinterest.com cameron's healing kitchen

Poem: copyright by Connie Miller Pease, 2014; Images: pixabay-CC0-Public-Domain.jpg; Nina-Hale-Flickr-C.-CC-by-2.0.png; commons.wikimedia.org_.-creativecommons-lic.png; www.pinterest.com-camerons-healing-kitchen.png

What’s Love Got To Do With It

The subject of love comes up a lot, but not necessarily where you think it might. For instance, when people discuss cultural shifts and political issues, they surprisingly include ‘love’ in their comments. In the words of one of my favorite book/movie characters, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means”.

People say that if you criticize someone you are not loving, and since the Bible tells us to love, we shouldn’t criticize. Some even say that if you point out something wrong you are the opposite of loving; in contemporary vernacular, a ‘hater’.

The Bible, indeed, tells us to love. It also encourages wisdom, discernment, and warns of judgment. The Jesus who loved and laughed also used a whip and turned over the money changer’s tables in the synagogue. He used the rather offensive comparison “whitewashed tomb” and “son of hell”. He predicted that Sodom (fire and brimstone, anyone?) would have it easier than some towns on judgment day. Those are just samples. There are others. Look them up. We wouldn’t call Him unloving, would we?

We’re supposed to speak the truth in love. That’s not the same as making everybody comfortable (though I and I’ll bet you, too, prefer it). The love part is important. So is the truth part. In fact, if you try to show love by ignoring or believing a lie, I would venture to say oh so gently, it’s not loving. People need truth to be set free. Covering up truth with feel good comments will kill them.

The struggle, of course, is the how and when. Telling the truth doesn’t confuse truth with your favorite opinions. Telling the truth doesn’t mean being obnoxious, but it also doesn’t mean blending into the crowd and thinking something real hard, hoping dreamstime royalty free stock image - cup of coffee and beans 22977266someone will telepathically hear you. It is loving and approachable, but clear about certain boundaries, unwilling to roll over on our backs to the Father of Lies, regardless of the form he takes.

New Testament scripture encourages us to overcome evil with good. That phrase is one of my personal mantras. But overcoming evil with good doesn’t preclude shining light on the truth. We can all agree that opinions abound, even about what the Bible says. Hearsay doesn’t cut it in the courts, and it shouldn’t cut it with any thinking person. It starts with reading your Bible, not just repeating what you’ve read somewhere or heard elsewhere. Read the Old Testament. Read the New Testament. Biblical literacy cannot be overstated nor over-rated.

That, perhaps, is the seed of this post. I’m not speaking to – probably – most of you who are doing your best to represent Christ. But there are a growing number of Christians who are falling into the culture’s belief system and calling it Christian. It isn’t.

Look, we don’t want to walk around disagreeing with everyone. If you’re convinced I should run the Christmas program your way or wear my hair differently, I invite you to keep that truth to yourself. But when a lie – big and bold and anti-scriptural – is staring us in the face, how are we going to explain our cowardice to God? I’m pretty sure we can’t make pretty excuses at that point. Telling the truth doesn’t mean prevailing or even arguing. It just means putting it out there. God does the rest.

We’re all pretty disgusting sometimes. And weak. And forgiven. We don’t want to be the guy that criticizes others and doesn’t see his own faults. That was more of a problem a number of years ago. Now we have the opposite, but just as serious problem. We need to love people enough to tell them the truth. Please consider: When someone dismisses important tenants of scripture, preferring to wrap everything up in a pretty bow called love, it’s not loving. It’s lazy.

Quotes: Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride by William Goldman, John 2:15,  Matthew 23:27, Matthew 23:15, Luke 10:12, John 8:44, Romans 12:21; Photo: dreamstime-royalty-free-stock-image-cup-of-coffee-and-beans-22977266.jpg

On A Golden Afternoon (conclusion)

As the solid cement of the building resupplied my courage, he was suddenly in front of me, and the muted gray of dusk turned charcoal.

“Why do you chase me?” he asked.

“I . . . I . . . you . . .”

His intensity took my breath away. I wiped my clammy palms on my jeans. So what if he could hear my heart beat like the tell-tale heart? I was on the offense, not the defense, wasn’t I? I would not let him intimidate me. I WOULD NOT.

“What mindlessness draws people like you to chase me? You’re the same ones who would be most dismayed to catch up with me.”

I gulped and he was gone. The conversation that had taken less than a minute seemed as though it had lasted an eternity.

I ran back home, knowing he would be able to tell where I lived if he followed. At this point I didn’t care. I just wanted to be somewhere familiar, somewhere safe. I slammed the door behind me, locked the deadbolt with trembling hands, and watched as my dog took one whiff of me and hid under the couch.

Later, when my breathing had returned to normal and the sirens of the evening blended with street sounds of my city block, I sat with my cup of tea and thought about what he had said. Chasing him? Well, sure, but only because I wanted to prove I – what was it I had thought at the time? Trifled with? Yes, couldn’t be trifled with.

Maybe I did prove it. I’d caught up with him, after all. But to be perfectly honest, it didn’t feel like I’d proven anything. I turned to one of my favorite shows on the television, but the evening’s murder investigation started me thinking things that hadn’t before occurred to me. I switched it off. I grabbed a book I had been reading, and slammed it shut after a paragraph. I switched on the T.V. again and listened as a political ad droned on about someone who thought that I deserved to get what I wanted, not what I worked for. I thought for a minute about what I deserved and threw my shoe at the T.V. It went black.

I switched on a lamp. Who was he anyway, this immoveable, intense man who sent shivers straight to my gut; who I’d never seen before, but who seemed slightly familiar? Not familiar like an old acquaintance. Familiar, maybe like an old textbook. Like that.

No. Impossible.

What if it was him? Whether I was correct about his identity or not, there was one thing I did know. Loathe to admit it though I was, he was right. I had been chasing him without a thought of what that meant other than my immediate desire to prove something. I hadn’t thought of the peripheral, the fall out. And if he was who I now thought he might be, my mind had already revealed that I had been chasing him long before he confronted me on this golden day. When I inhaled the golden light of fall, I thought of tombs and pirates, not warmth and light. I really was playing that lottery that had flitted through my brain like a sudden breeze.800px-Light_In_The_Dark_(2886931703) wikimedia commons

There are many things I chase in life, some more worthwhile than others. But on a golden afternoon that knocked the breath out of me with fright I wonder. Should Death really be one of them?

 

Photo: 800px-Light_In_The_Dark_2886931703-wikimedia-commons.jpg

On A Golden Afternoon

I could just see the shadow slanting slightly like some willow bending toward the water. It turned toward me then, and I pulled back behind the corner of the building which I told myself hid me. What was I doing? The evening’s mystery had begun as an afternoon stroll through the park by my house. Isn’t that the way all trouble begins: Innocence pulled gradually by some subtle power until you’re standing behind a building a mile from where you should be, trying to breathe noiselessly though you’re sorrowfully certain your heartbeat can be heard a block away?

I had begun my walk to see the trees. They were golden this year. Maples splashed red here and there, but the air itself seemed mostly – well, like I said – golden. King Tut’s tomb. Pieces-of-eight. The lottery that changed things of value to a thin, printed paper of possibility. I digress, of course, to avoid the obvious.

You see, I was looking up as I walked, the better to take in the fire and shine of the lamp post, pinterestseason, when I bumped into something. At least that’s what I had immediately thought since it was immoveable, like a lamp-post. My abrupt stop and reverted sight line, however, showed me a person I would guess to be around 6 feet, 3 inches of mostly muscle knit together with intensity. He looked into my eyes for a split second while I stood fixed to the spot wondering how I would explain my disappearance to my dog who I had left at home as punishment for whining into the wee hours of the early morning. Then he was gone and I was shivering in the balmy air of the autumn afternoon.

I’m not being dramatic. He really was gone. I turned to look and there was nothing there. Any sane person would have cut her stroll short and gone home, but I told myself that I wasn’t going to allow anyone, even if they were a disappearing man, rob me of my afternoon stroll. So I kept walking until I got to the other end of the park. Then I thought what if I didn’t see him because he had hidden? That makes sense, right? Maybe I should go home like the sane person I wasn’t and lock my door. But then (I reasoned) if he was, in fact, following me, maybe I shouldn’t go straight home. Maybe I should take a divergent path to shake his trail. OR, and this is where the trouble really began, maybe I should try to find him, follow him, and prove to us both I wasn’t anyone to be trifled with.

At that point, I turned and started back the way I’d come, eyes darting behind every bush and tree. I kept walking beyond the park then because I thought I spotted him, and that’s when I noticed the golden light had turned to muted gray. Dark would follow in a matter of half an hour, fall being what it is, and I was a mile of crooked sidewalks from home.

to be continued . . .

Photo: Pinterest

Three Truths and Some Lies

Contests always have a little chatter on the side. People talk about who they think is the better contestant and why they will win. We do this in sports, battle of the bands scenarios, and politics. Even the most likeminded of us are bound to disagree sometimes. Even the most deeply divided opponents might agree on something. Look hard, really hard for it.

When we talk about who should prevail in a contest, often feelings muddle truth; half-truths are thrown around, incidents get twisted out of context, well you know how it goes. But if truth sets us free, then what do the untruths do?

I’ll admit, I think little things spoken to spare feelings are a lubricant to help people keep going. Yes, the dress makes me look like a box, but it’s a mercy for my son to say it looks nice since it’s one of my few options. However, those little things are an exception to the rule that honesty is the best policy. I used to think that if someone was asked a question, they would answer as truthfully as the situation allowed. That is to say, that if they are campaigning, they might leave something out to make themselves appear better; but they wouldn’t outright lie. That’s changed. I will always be stunned by people who lie outright. If you do or say or believe something, you must do so with good conscience. Why would you lie about it? The disconnect from belief to action to speech is beyond understanding. It is beyond understanding unless the person lying is 1. a pathological liar, 2. a sociopath, 3. wants our approval so badly, they will say anything to get it (in that case, see #2), or 4. trying to pull something over on us.

Election day being two weeks away, and knowing that what I read in the paper or on the computer or see on T.V. gives me a slight and slanted picture, I went the websites of each political party to read their platforms. There are quite a few parties, so I narrowed it to the three most likely to get votes. Those platforms seem less than basic. Maybe they need to use a lot of words to explain themselves, but I’m willing to wager that most people are like me and won’t read them through due to their length. I found something that seemed a little more helpful. It is a website, www.ontheissues.org, that listed quotes said and things done by candidates gleaned from news sources. Again, probably not the clearest picture, but better than those commercials you watch.

fall 2014 003If the website doesn’t help us, maybe we should consider another quote from a wise source: By their fruit you will know them.

Vote November 4.

 

 

 

Quotes: John 8:32, Benjamin Franklin, Matthew 7:16

The Best Dog on the Block

Some animals are so good at touching the hidden places in our hearts that it’s as if God, Himself, put them there. Maybe He does. There is a love, not easily articulated, that finds its way into our lives through a special pet; a love that, while not greater than one person for another, rivals our own with its purity. People tend to hold something back, perhaps to protect self; perhaps because if they fully expressed the love they sometimes feel or encounter, it would leave them in a puddle on the floor. Deep feelings are inadequately expressed through words. People rarely do the careless, unselfconscious, in-your-face thing. Dogs, on the other hand. . . A dog’s love is open and effusive and immoveable. It’s irreplaceable, and it pricks our hearts with a lifelong tenderness and a lump in the throat. You might have that special encounter in your life or life’s past. Here is a snapshot of mine.

Our dog arrived on a July day to a house of four children and a dog-loving mom. My 003husband made the 60 mile trip to pick her from the litter. She, he said, was the prettiest of her brothers and sisters and a little shy; an unaggressive puppy for an unaggressive family. I’m probably the most competitive of the bunch, and I’m – attempting a second career as a writer (though maybe a few family members are just better at hiding that trait under cover of innocent faces and sweet conversation). Ah well. We all changed a bit through the years.

He put her in the new kennel behind his seat in the van. Before the trip was over, she was sitting on his lap. And that’s the way it was. She was smart and clean and lived life on her own terms as most of us do or should do. She found her way swiftly into our hearts, and as far as she was concerned, there was no better place to be than with her family.

002She was our dog no more than we were her family and our house was her house. She had her own family jobs. She was a task master at doing battle with varmints in our yard. One summer in particular, a squirrel took some stuffing from a stuffed animal she had played with. She sat for days on end under the tree not unlike the Queen’s Guard. Retribution was palpable in that spot that summer.

The manner in which her jobs were done was sometimes a matter for debate. One day when the kids had left for school and as my husband was about to leave, he noticed a new stuffed animal on our daughter’s bed. That day I spent part of the morning figuring out how to get the still soft and warm dead bunny our dog had smuggled into the house away from the dog and back to the earth from whenst it came. Let me just say that disagreement, bribery, and distraction were involved.

Besides rodent management, our dog also was attentive to keeping our floors cleared of food. She was a bit pre-emptive at times. There was the time that she jumped up and snatched the just-prepared hotdog iliad 008from my son as we sat together at dinner and left him holding nothing but air. It was impressively swift and clean, like a disappearing act. Well, supper was a family thing and she was family; just relegated to under the table. Dogs do that. They love their food. And yours.

Another job, taken seriously, was to help us have fun. We played hide and seek with her with duck feathers after hunting season. We’d put her in another room, then trail a duck feather up, over, around, and through the living room and hide it. Then we’d let her in and it was great fun to watch her follow the trail until she found the feather. Her sense of smell was amazing.

002She loved stuffed animals and regarded a few of them as her own personal favorites. One or two are still buried in our backyard, a blue head or beige foot sticking up from the earth, leaving the polite uninformed to puzzle over after they’ve left.

But the job she did best was to just love. She didn’t care how you did on a test at school. She didn’t care if your level of life success was amazing or clearly needing some attention. She didn’t care if people loved you or hated you or found nothing at all to think about you. Our dog thought each one of us was wonderful. What a gift. What. A. Gift. She did that better than any of us could do it, and did it without effort. She celebrated our happiness with plenty of jumping and playing and a few happy barks thrown in for good measure. Her intuitive sensitivity brought her to our sides even when we sought to keep some private sadness apart. Whether apparent to others or private, she sat with us in our sorrow; just sitting and looking and licking the tears from our faces.

Our favorite place was also her favorite place, and every summer when we would make a trip up to the cabin, she would budge her way past everyone to be the first in the vanCabin 13 009. Oh, the piney, sea-weedy scent was a little taste of heaven to her whether she was running like a maniac unhindered and free, or jumping off the dock to swim to a thrown stick, or taking a boat ride or wading in the water, pawing at the minnows. The minute her paws hit the ground, she would smile her little doggy smile and delight in just being. Such a simple thing. A good thing. A thing we would all do well to learn.

Our dog would (almost) always come when we called her. She would sit, lie down, and roll over on command. She shook your hand when asked and sometimes when you didn’t. When you threw something up in the air, there was rarely a doubt she would catch it; and if you threw it waaay out in the lake, she would make a running leap from the dock and swim out to get it and bring it back. She had a fairly large vocabulary of words and expressions she understood. She quickly learned to love music and occasionally sang along with the cello or violin. She would drop something we didn’t want her to have, unless she wanted to hold it a while longer first. She would stop jumping on someone just as soon as she could manage her excitement. She would stand still for us to put her leash on to go for a WALK(!). No, she didn’t really do that. Our dog wasn’t the best dog in the world or the most well-trained dog in the city. I often told her she was the best dog on the block. That was enough for her and it was enough for us.

Benny 006We were the house with the dog who barked at everyone who had the audacity to walk past her house (black motorcycles elicited much loud concern). We were also the house with calm spirits and whispered secrets and spoken and unspoken love all because of a dog who loved openly and completely.

A year ago today she wasn’t feeling well. She took extra time that evening to look at each of us who was at home as we petted her. She ran off in the middle of the night through, we later learned, a park that reminds us all of that favorite place up north and then lay down on the edge of someone’s yard and died. For three days we searched through woods and along roads and parks, hardly eating, barely sleeping, begging God to send an angel to bring her home. When I finally tracked her down at an animal hospital she was in a cremation bag with a few dried leaves still sticking in her fur. I brought her home, letting her ride in the front seat of our new car. I petted her all the way. I made a body bag from unbleached muslin and lined it with an old, soft flannel sheet. Each member of our family wrote something from their heart; a memory, a personal gratefulness, an expression of love on that canvas bag; and it has been her sleeping bag now for a year as she rests in a private spot in a place she loved.

Our dog loved all the true things: fresh air, good food, family. Oh, sweet little girl. You might have been only a few feet tall, but you filled up our hearts with your love and spoke fun and silliness and goodness and blessing into our lives. Rest well, my little friend. You really were the best.

 

Libby