Sum Qui Sum

We’d loved each other forever. Grew up two houses down from each other. Went to the same schools and sometimes, if luck was with us, were in the same classes. We looked enough alike that some thought we were sisters. In a way, we were: sisters with different last names. We held each other’s secrets close, and kept promises made with the passionate loyalty of youth. When college years approached, we promised each other we’d choose the same college.

That was the first promise we broke. Her parents wanted her to go east to their alma mater and she agreed. I wanted something close to home. We kept in touch with weekend girlfriend chats, though less because of studies and new friends. Then one week we didn’t.

She moved back to town ten years later. I’d already settled there with a husband and two kids in a starter house that was fast becoming our forever home. We ran into each other at the local grocery and stopped at the cafe next door for lunch. By the time we’d caught up, her ice cream had melted and my fish sticks had grown soft.

We fell back into the familiar dance of friendship. My kids thought she was a superhero. enwikipedia.org heartWithout the extra treasure and tension that mark the presence of a family, she had energy, money, and time to do those kinds of things that lives of mundane structure cannot. I promised I would cheer her on in whatever next adventure she undertook. She promised to understand when I did not join in.

I can see now what I didn’t then. Our long, repetitive accounts of years together and apart lasted sometimes into the night. Honestly, I was flattered she was so interested in the time I’d mistaken salt for sugar on Valentine’s Day or missed my car payment one December. I was grateful for the sweet little presents she bought for my kids. Her excuses for the missed lunch dates were little bits of nothing I ignored. All were tells I could’ve noticed.

When she suddenly moved and I was left without an inkling why, I dusted off college-honed research skills to find her. Hours of effort resulted in nothing other than a suspicion of identity theft in different cities across the country. Her parents were of no use, only saying it was her way to visit them on an unplanned day and they were resigned to her preference. My husband told me to let it go. Let it go.

It’s been ten years since. Shortly after I’d turned up nothing other than suspicion, I was served with a subpoena for the information I hadn’t found. From there it was a hop, skip, and a jump to complex accusations I still don’t understand.

My life continues its mundane structure, but my schedule is behind bars. My children grew up to call another woman ‘mother’. My friends seem to think she is me, as if that were possible. My husband grew distant and divorced, and my friend?

She broke a whole stack of promises when she stole my identity – complete with its extra treasure and tension. And I broke only one: I no longer cheer her on in whatever next adventure is hers.

Image: enwikipedia.org heart

A Graduation Benediction

I had the privilege of offering the benediction at Crossroads College 96th Baccalaureate – Commencement. Here it is – for them and for all of us. May God act on our lives according to His will.

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Our dear Heavenly Father and our Lord Jesus Christ,

How fortunate we are to be here today, for these students to have gained an education that includes Your wisdom and direction, to have formed relationships with people of like faith, to have taken time out of their lives to learn from the knowledge of professors who belong to You.

These graduates are Your intricate creation. We see a small part of who they are; they, themselves, see a bit more; but You, oh Lord, You see so very much more. You know what they are capable of: of great work for your kingdom, of courageous stance for your diploma-152024_640 pixabay (public domain CCO)truth, of noble words and deeds on your behalf. Please mold them into mighty men and women to carry out all kinds of work in this world: To be the encouraging smile, to help carry the heavy load, to inspire the weary to greater heights, to do the necessary task without concern for credit. We pray that You will show them how to open the gifts that You have given them whether in talent or opportunity and to understand the responsibility they have to You in using those gifts.

We pray that You will give them humility in success and sustain their faith in times of struggle.

Now as we set our eyes on a future that holds we know not what, we ask for Your strong hand on these graduates. We ask for Your boldness, for the infusion of Your Holy Spirit, for Your help, Your provision, Your direction, and Your peace – not as the world gives, but as You give.

We want, above all else, to please You best and to run to You first. Fix our eyes, dear Jesus, on You, the author and finisher of our faith.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

Chub Chub

I recall a time years ago when my mother remarked about someone who wasted his time just gazing into a fish tank, talking to the fish. It wasn’t a comment of admiration. Enter Chub Chub.

My son’s university biology class offered its goldfish to whichever college students wanted them. At Easter, he brought his college-educated fish home until such time as he can offer it more luxurious accommodations than a cramped dorm room.

Little Chub Chub was apparently highly influenced by his initial surroundings. He doesn’t seem content to just swim around as I would think fish the wide world over do. Perhaps he grew used to the noise and conversation of a college class or the activity of a dorm room, because whenever someone enters the room, he rushes over to the front of the fish bowl, looks like he’s reciting Ronald Reagan’s “Remarks at the Brandenburg Gate” with great gusto, and dances up a storm.goldfish httpscommons.wikimedia.orgwikiFileButterfly_Goldfish_02.JPG I can’t believe I’m saying this. Yes, I’ve begun talking to the fish. Honestly, it seems rude not to.

I happened to mention it to my mother the other day, knowing what was coming. Even though she is currently laid up with a compression fracture, even though she very recently lost her husband of 64 years, even though there is not much joy in Mudville just now, she managed to convey a degree of disdain and long-suffering that held in it a number of the unspoken thoughts of someone who, frankly, has a right at this point in life to have. She’s right, of course. But . . .

Oh Chub Chub. If only you weren’t so highly animated I could ignore you. However, on one point, let me be clear. No matter how much I admired Reagan, I will not “tear down this wall”. After all, conversation between species notwithstanding, there are some lines that cannot be crossed.

Image: By Pogrebnoj-Alexandroff (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons; reference: Casey At The Bat by Ernest Lawrence Thayer; reference: Remarks on East-West Relations at the Brandenburg Gate in West Berlin by Ronald Reagan, June 12, 1987.

Suffering and Sacrifice

It’s interesting the various things that we find constitute suffering. We might say suffering is going without something we’ve grown accustomed to in life. For instance, if the computer or refrigerator or furnace goes on the blink, we feel various degrees of deprivation and count it as suffering. We might be left out of a group or groups, sense a feeling of rejection, possibly very real, and describe the feelings from that experience as suffering. Or maybe we live with physical pain, chronic or acute. That can certainly be described as suffering, as is battling one’s way back from serious illness or injury.

Sacrifice, on the other hand, isn’t necessarily linked with suffering. Sacrifices, of finances or career choice or time, made by parents for their children are made gladly because of love. Sacrifice of time and money are made by parishioners of churches no matter the nation. Sacrifice of other activities, sleep, and even friends are made by those few who perfect a sport or art through much and repeated practice, study, and rehearsal. Parents, spouses, and children sacrifice their beloved soldier when that soldier is working or fighting or maybe even dying for their country. Sacrifice is for a greater good.

Suffering isn’t necessarily sacrifice, and someone who sacrifices doesn’t always need to suffer. But sometimes they are linked. It would be notable, wouldn’t it, if they were not only linked, but found in someone who could walk away from either or both, and didn’t. Wouldn’t it be amazing if someone who had everything he needed or wanted and who did everything well, suffered and sacrificed for someone who hated him in an effort to offer that horrible person a way to be saved from a horrible consequence?

If you heard about or read about someone whose appearance was nothing that attracted people you might have an opinion about him that included the word “ordinary” or even “homely”. If such a person was despised and forsaken . . . a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief . . . He was despised, and we did not esteem Him, you might think about what a sad life that person had. You would probably say he suffered.

But if, upon further examination, you found that he didn’t just carry his own grief, but carried ours, as well, you’d begin to wonder what kind of guy this was; One who suffers so much and still takes more upon himself in order to remove it from us.

And then, if you continued reading, you’d be stunned to find this same person was pierced through for our transgressions, and crushed for our iniquities. Who does that? Who takes a beating or punishment for someone else? Who dies for someone else – and not just dies, but dies an excruciating death? And who, despite the sorrow and suffering he experienced, still had an indescribable love for the very people who he not only died for, but who killed him? Who would not necessarily acknowledge him? Who would dismiss him as a myth?

One perfect man suffered and sacrificed his life. For Brussels. For Paris. For Lockerbie. For New York. For Jerusalem. For Jews. For Muslim terrorists. For Americans. For Genghis Khan and Napoleon Bonaparte. For Vladimir Putin and Hillary Clinton. For Saddam Hussein and Barack Hussein Obama. For Ted Cruz and Donald Trump. For the abortionist down the street and for the tiny baby that was aborted. For the guy at the bank. For your favorite barista. For the Kardashians, every one of them. For your grandma. For your minister. For the policeman who gave you a speeding ticket that one time and for the one who let you off with a warning. For the obnoxious kid from fourth grade you still can’t forget. For the person you pass every day on your way to work. For you. For me. For us.

Today is Good Friday, the day we remember Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. Go to church and admit your sins and tell him you’re sorry. And thank Him.

putfaithfirst.blogspot

Scripture quoted from Isaiah 53; Image: putfaithfirst.blogspot.jpg

The Rules of the Road

A thoughtful driver waved me ahead this week. Other than the fact that I was turning left and she was going straight and we were both in the middle of Hennepin Avenue without a stop sign in sight, I would have been glad for such a kind gesture.

I’ve silently ranted about this issue for a couple of years now, but it’s only getting worse. What issue? Rules. In this instance, rules of the road. As far as I know, the person going straight goes first (unless it’s a four-way stop, but let’s not muddy the waters just now). A person making a right turn makes that turn unless the person opposite him has a green arrow, and then he needs to wait. Left is last. Left is always last.

But in the past several years, I cannot tell you the number of times a person opposite me at an intersection and going straight has waved me ahead when I’m turning left. This has happened with little cars and big cars and, yes, even a school bus.

httpspixabay.comenbuilding-blocks-toys-play-abc-123-397143 public domainThe problem with an apparent lack of rules or rule-following or even knowledge of rules is that it leads to confusion. At intersections. And in life. If we don’t follow very basic rules or even know about them, we leave ourselves vulnerable to crashes. Some will be just fender benders, but others will have considerable consequences.

Being lackadaisical about very simple things; calling something by its proper name, using end punctuation, being honest about what happens when we add and subtract, following the rules of the road, staying on pitch if it’s at all within our power (okay, never mind about that last one – that’s just me rambling) eventually leads to a state of affairs where no one understands anyone else and logic is impotent because no one uses it. It reminds me of the Hindu teaching that all roads lead to heaven. They don’t.

So if you should see me at an intersection, I promise you that if I am going straight I expect to go first. If I am turning left, I will wait for you to go first. Let’s get out those basic building blocks of society so the road we travel is a safe one.

Image: httpspixabay.comenbuilding-blocks-toys-play-abc-123-397143-public-domain.jpg

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Just One More Day

When morning star’s shy, hesitant light

Approaches the edge of dawn

And stretches its fingers beyond blackened night

Exploding in brilliance of morn;

 

When afternoon’s haze rests over the day,

A blanket of homey embrace;

When work and thought and love and play

Fill hours, each in its place;

 

When in the stillness of the night

Memory its company pays;

I think of you and wish we might

Have had just one more day.

glow-643959_640 CCO Public Domain

Poem: Connie Miller Pease thinking about her dad; Image: glow-643959_640-CCO-Public-Domain.jpg

 

 

Treasure (conclusion)

It’s been four years since. I’ve met some people from town, but mostly prefer the solitude of this place. The vastness of the grounds does something to you; something forgiving, maybe. The quietness feeds you.

I found it finally; pulled it out of a very twisting, very dark, very wet cave underneath a small waterfall. I dragged it home, the birds and their progeny following me hoping for some fresh berries in the rookery I had built up for them.

I turned on every light in my vast house, made a celebratory cup of tea, scratched my ankle vigorously, and opened the trunk at last.

I’ve been reading its contents for days now; love letters written over many years from a man to his wife; flirtatious notes, long letters of yearning, crisp pieces of ordinary detail, always signed the same way: “Undying love”. Treasure indeed.

letter-216722_640 public domain

The End

Image: Public Domain

Treasure (continued 4)

I returned to the little town later and stayed in the same “cheap motel” as it had been so kindly described by what I was now referring to in my thoughts as “my stranger”. I had taken odd jobs here and there, long enough to save money enough to pull up roots and wander again. I had felt unsettled, admitting now that I had felt that way since I was a teenager, and, as inexplicable as it seemed, this was the one place I had lost that unsettled feeling one evening turned to night about one year ago. I picked up the paper in the tiny lobby as I sat down to eat my continental breakfast. As I turned a page, a small obituary stopped my hand, leaving my next bite untaken. It was she, no doubt: the dry, black hair; the harsh, definitive profile; the eyes the color of a turbulent sea.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked up. An overweight man in a black silk suit asked my name and sat across from me.

“Ah. I see you’ve been reading the death announcement. She became very ill a few months ago, called my office and asked that I find you and give you this.”

It was a copy of her will.

“She wrote it in my presence. It’s all legal.”

I scanned the type.

“Everything?” I asked, stupefied, unsure what I would do with worn, clompy brown shoes.

“She had no one. Not after her husband died. Here are the keys to the house. It’s the stone one on the hill. I’m sure you noticed it as you entered town.”

“I only recall a . . . what looked like a large . . . house.” I gave up trying to describe what I had seen.

He nodded. “Moved in as a young couple. Crazy in love, those two. He was away on business when he was hit by a little Honda. She wished she’d died with him. Never got over it.”

Upon those words, I was immediately transported back to the day when, as a careless teenager, driving much faster than the limit, I had killed a man. I felt the blood drain from my face.

He shook his head and then roused himself. “A very large estate indeed. That’s the one.”

He fished out another set of keys.

“Here,” he said handing them to me. “The keys to her cars. The Mercedes is parked in front,” he nodded out the window. “You might call the salvage yard to pick up that piece of junk,” he chuckled as he pointed to my Honda, the only car I had ever owned.

As he rose to leave, I called, “Wait! I . . . I don’t know what to do.”

“Why don’t you go home?” he laughed as he walked out the door.

I found it the moment I entered the house. A note lay on a table in the large entryway of the mansion. It said simply, “Do you wish to play a game?” Then I heard a familiar shriek.

to be continued . . .

video: youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHBJTVzvhkA

Treasure (continued 3)

Looking at the birds that crowded around the box, she said, “So now you come! Now when I’ve done all the work!”

One of the birds pecked at her shoe.

I’ve nothing more left. Thank you for your help in finding it, but it’s all gone now.” She shooed them with her hands. “Go on. All gone.”

They squawked loudly, and she raised her voice over theirs, “The lady that came with me. She might have something for you.”

I suppose there are worse things than being found when you wish to hide, but I can’t think of many.

I shivered for a moment, enough to give myself away. They all looked my direction. I suppose there are worse things than being discovered when you wish to hide, but I can’t think of many. I crawled out from my place under the bush and took a few steps.

“The box,” I said, rather crossly. “What’s in it that you come so far from town, at night, with these, these . . .” I interrupted myself long enough to scratch my ankle furiously.

“Birds,” she finished calmly. “It’s a treasure I’ve been hunting for – oh, so many years I’ve lost count now. My husband buried it after a fight we had – years ago. He died not long after, but had left a note in his will telling me of some little birds he’d trained to show me where the treasure was. He always did love gamesmanship.”

“You’ve been hunting a treasure.”

She nodded.

“The birds led you to the treasure?”

“They led me to this little spot. I had to figure out for myself where exactly it was.”

She paused. “It took awhile,” she concluded.

I pointed to the chest. “I don’t suppose there’s anything there for me.”

“Not in this lifetime,” she said without malice, to my dismay.

“What do you think I can give those shrieking things?”

“I always gave them little pieces of meat. And berries. They seem to like berries.”

“Berries!”

What kind of mundane, insane conversation was I having with a stranger in the middle of the night? I began to walk. Then I ran. I must get to some place normal; a place that carried familiar scenes and scents; a place where people and birds said and did what they were supposed to say and do. I left town that same night.

to be continued . . .