Winter Sky

A winter sky near end of fall

Is prelude to the goose’s call;

Portends the end of colors all;

Anticipates snow’s sparkle.

 

 

A winter sky at winter’s end;

A muted sun, a muffled blend;

A captured, hostage, cold-filled friend

Holding springtime’s hope.

 

 

 

Sure as the warmth, the sun; the cold

Decreases through each day in bold

Sweet symphony of time foretold;

Farewell to winter’s sky.

Images: ian-keefe-rR1_WcIXlBM-unsplash-scaled.jpg; tomoko-uji-eriuKJwcdjI-unsplash-scaled.jpg; jordan-wozniak-xP_AGmeEa6s-unsplash-scaled.jpg

Unpredictable

Five years. That’s how long she’d been out of high school. She did the college thing and graduated a year early while watching friends pair up and marry. She’d gone to weddings, even been in a few, and dined and danced and celebrated. Then she had gone home alone.

It had been ten years. And sure, she had dated. One was, in fact, quite successful and had offered to show her his cars. She had declined. Maybe her beliefs about consumerism had been too rigid. Probably. But it was too late. He had no doubt found someone who gladly looked at his cars and whatever else he had to show her.

Another man was just about perfect, but his faith wasn’t in sync with hers; hers being sincerely Christian and his being sincerely nothing. She might’ve made an attempt, but knew it would’ve ended up with compromised faith and relationship, both. And the others – she couldn’t explain other than to say any connection was partial at best.

Twenty years. It was okay. Really. She found an out-of-the-way table at the back of the coffee shop and settled into a predictably semi-comfortable chair. Valentine’s decore framed the large front windows with pinks and reds. Ah yes. The time of year for couples or coupling, but not singles. Some would make an evening of trying with someone new. She didn’t. It seemed false.

She sipped her favored order: a hot, mild brew with no creamer and just a splash of milk. Then she closed her eyes.

Looking back, she tried to remember when she had stopped praying for someone in her life; when she had stopped dreaming or wishing or longing.

The friends who had married had fallen into a sort of comfortable convenience. A few had truly remained happily in love. Some had divorced over various reasons. What was the difference? The difference between remaining single and becoming single again was that one had acquired sad memories. Her grandpa had said, It’s better to be lonely than miserable, and he was nearly always right.

But loneliness held its own sort of, if not misery, then sadness. Or maybe not sadness, but emptiness. Life was fine. It was. Truly it was. But it held no spark. Everything was predictable. So predictable. Maybe she’d go home and do her laundry.

Mind if I join you?

Her eyes blinked open. She looked around. The coffee shop had filled up in the short time she’d been contemplating her love life.

Sure?

He set down a foamy espresso and glazed donut, then settled into the chair opposite her. And he had her laughing within two minutes of their introductions. She found herself describing work situations that suddenly seemed amusing. They found they had a few mutual acquaintances and an aversion to international travel. Conversation was easy. Banter was as natural as breathing. And the future? It  was suddenly anything but predictable.

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The Castle

Boy, this was going to be good. He’d thought it over for years. It would be the home of a lifetime! He had begun with the foundation – solid and broad enough to hold whatever he dreamed up. And dream he did. Along the top of the foundation, he engraved a logo he used in his business; a mark of ownership consisting of interlocking half-circles.

Eight steps led up to the portico (portico!), and he made sure the first story had a stone-look design. Three arched windows were placed on either side of the arched entry door. They were perfect for letting in sunlight and sparkles. For years, he’d admired the porte-cocheres off mansions on Summit Avenue. His house must have one, so he added one at the side of the house.

The second story was peppered with windows: Six on each side of the building – twenty-four in all. Next came an outdoor winding staircase. How he’d thought of it, he couldn’t say, but he prided himself on the creativity he’d used in its design.

At one point – as he munched on a grilled cheese and red pepper sandwich – he decided his house (house? In his heart he began thinking of it as a castle! Didn’t they say a man’s home was his castle?) needed a third story. He made certain the exterior matched the second story, and it did with precision.

He had thought it was complete, but as he observed it from a distance, he decided it needed turrets. So what if such things were from another era? He would have them! And he did, placing one at each corner of the structure. They would be perfect for looking at things going on outside. He imagined a window seat or low desk would be just the thing for doing so.

Finally it was complete. His gaze followed every inch of the structure. He recalled the initial foundation and how excited he’d been with engravings along the top of the base. And he loved the arches on the first story! He’d always been partial to them and was glad they could be included. His eyes moved to the very top. No, not the roofline, although its asymmetrical silhouette made him smile. Sometimes it was brilliant to go against expectation, and this was one of those times. But the top – the points of the turrets . . . Well, the depth of his satisfaction could not be described.

He sat in a chair, soaking in the design with admiration. It was everything he’d ever imagined and more. He was tempted to say it was the accomplishment of a lifetime!

And just after the sun had set in a brilliant blaze of oranges, pinks, and gold until the sky faded to dusky blue, the ocean’s waves which kept time with  their soothing sound rose to high tide and washed it all away.

Image: joe-dudeck-5cLevaOKG5U-unsplash-scaled.jpg; Matthew 7:24-27

Look

Not in the loud and clamorous claims

Nor in incessant sound;

Not in storied sorrows shared

Nor trouble searched and found.

 

Not in self-pity, sad and true

Nor in great despair;

Not in calls for sympathy

Near or far or there.

 

No, only in a careful look

Inward and outward, too

Is Christ’s mind heard and understood

By such a man as you.

 

God heeds not frivolous plans;

He bears not stupid talk;

His will does not comport desires

In crooked ways to walk.

 

Where is His love? Oh it is there

But not in your design

It is unvarnished truth alone

That rules fullness of time.

Image: bird-s-eye-photography-of-mountain-1624496.jpg

 

Family, After All

Her breath made small vaporous puffs as she hurried back to her apartment. Boy, it was cold! Why had she even agreed to go in the first place? But her co-worker’s persistence had done its work and she went. After all, it was only an hour, maybe two, out of her evening and there wasn’t anything else to fill the time. Christmas being what it was, was a family affair and she didn’t have one. Strike that. She had one, but didn’t know their names. She’d tried looking, but had concluded it would take a miracle to find them. And if she did, then what? She doubted she would fit in even if they agreed to meet her.

She’d known most of her life that she had been adopted. Her parents loved her to pieces was how they put it; and sometimes she quietly thought it was an apt expression. Being an only child had its pressures and perhaps being adopted added to them – or subtracted; she couldn’t know for certain. But they had been old when she was a baby – having tried and tried to have their own. Their own. They would’ve been upset such a thought crossed her mind. Anyway, they had died within two weeks of each other. Heartbreak maybe. That was three years ago.

When they died, she’d sold the townhouse they’d bought the minute she graduated from high school. She didn’t blame them for the purchase. But once her childhood home was gone, it hadn’t felt the same. And due to their move, most of the pieces that had filled their house had been sold or given away. Going “home” hadn’t held the same sense of belonging afterward.

She unlocked the door of her apartment. The 1920’s architecture of her building more than suited her. Shrugging out of her coat, she hung it on the coat tree by the door. This was her home now. She was content.

She wrapped an afghan around her shoulders and picked up Rockwell Kent’s World Famous Paintings. She didn’t begrudge not having family, but it did mean if she was to get a Christmas gift, she would buy it herself. This one was from the used bookstore two blocks over. But as she sipped some cocoa – it was a Belgian chocolate concoction she favored – and paged through the book, something she had heard tonight pestered her. The minister had mentioned something about adoption. Why would he say such a thing and at a Christmas Eve service of all times?

She knew about baby Jesus. She knew the whole Christmas tableau. She’d gone to Sunday School with her childhood friend while her parents slept in, but she’d never heard adoption mentioned. Laying Kent’s book aside, she pulled out that Bible her friend had given to her in high school. It was still like new. She fingered the gilded edges of the pages. A quick search of the concordance brought success. There. And there! More? Yes, more!

The evening waned and she read like her Bible was a seven course meal. She hadn’t know she was hungry. Adopted? She knew about adoption. She lived adoption. But this was different. A father who would go anywhere with her, even if it meant not sleeping in; who would give anything – anything – a baby in a manger, for instance, for her! A father who wouldn’t sell her home, but rather prepare one that felt more like home than any place in the world! And family! People just like her.

Christmas morning peeked over the horizon as she drifted to sleep. She would have loved how the sun’s rays touched her face just so had she been awake to notice it. She’d read through the night. Shepherds. Scientists. Fishermen. Kings and governors. Prostitutes. Teachers. Lawyers. Beggars. Thieves. Businesswomen. Children. People from all walks of life. And one Father. And one Savior Brother. And finally. Finally, finally, she felt more than adopted. She felt like family. Was this the miracle she’d wanted? The discovery of family? Yes. And more: A Christmas gift she didn’t have to buy herself.

Scripture: Moses was adopted.; Esther was adopted.; For you did not receive a spirit of slavery that returns you to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption to sonship, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” (Romans 8:15); And more than that, we ourselves, though we possess the Spirit as a foretaste and pledge of the glorious future, yet we ourselves inwardly sigh, as we wait and long for open recognition as children through the deliverance of our bodies (Romans 8:23); They are the people of Israel, chosen to be God’s adopted children. God revealed his glory to them. He made covenants with them and gave them His law. He gave them the privilege of worshiping Him and receiving His wonderful promises.(Romans 9:4); so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons and daughters.(Galatians 4:5); and having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of His will. (Ephesians 1:5); Image: pexels-photo-306864.jpeg; alice-pasqual-bDL5INidTEQ-unsplash-scaled.jpg; al-elmes-ZiCz-oW1LXA-unsplash-scaled.jpg

Out of the Darkness

At first it had the feel of adventure to it; a whimsical sort of challenge which he gladly accepted. The downing of not just electrical wires, but of the entire power grid across his region – at least he thought it was his region (it certainly couldn’t be the entire country!) had been cautioned, warned, and discussed until everyone was sick of it and drank more eggnog than they should. He, himself, had made a ‘Tis the season excuse for his overindulgence, giving little thought to what “the season” meant. Sure, he knew – baby in a manger, light of the world and all that. However, most reasonable people also knew it had little influence in the world just now. But no, it couldn’t have spread across the whole country: not that he nor anyone in his vicinity would know; since there was no communication unless one neighbor without knowledge of the current situation consulted the next who had identical knowledge. And at this point, he wasn’t certain whether said neighbor would meet him with a plate of Christmas cookies or the point of a rifle (and he wasn’t sure that he cared). He’d heard that happened to people who were isolated from each other. Of course, could he blame someone for their defensive posture when his suspicious one was no better?

He’d read somewhere that things like this could last for months and much longer. A year? More? Ugh. It had been a week. Seven long nights and days. There was no traffic. Without electricity, the gas pumps didn’t work. Even if they could have made the trip, people didn’t go to work. Why? It was a computerized world – a world that thrived on electricity. At first, a few of the folks who preferred winter to summer walked here and there. After awhile, they didn’t. Perhaps they’d grown too cold without a place to warm up in afterward. Maybe they’d grown tired. Even those with gym memberships needed calories and cold food in cold houses lost some of its appeal. Who knew how much longer they would or could endure? Had the weather been temperate, things would have felt more hopeful. But this? His window thermometer registered 0.

It wasn’t as though he hadn’t prepared. He had. Of course, he didn’t plan on helping anyone else. How could he? They should’ve thought ahead. He’d kept his curtains closed to keep in as much warmth as possible and told himself it helped a little, but now he pulled his curtains aside and peered down the street. Dusk approached and soon it would be as black as sin, as his grandma used to say. He looked around the room, taking stock of his supplies. He had canned food, but had lost his appetite. He forced himself to eat each day, though. Today’s feast was a can of corn. Refrigeration was without power, of course, but the indoor temperature without a working furnace made it unnecessary. However, frozen hamburger wasn’t of much use. Water – check; and when he ran out, the snow outside . . . Then he began to wonder if eating snow would help or harm him. His fingers had begun to feel like thick sticks sometime around midnight the night before. At least he could feel them, unlike his toes which had no feeling at all.

The sun would set in another thirty or so minutes, and somewhere on day two, he had decided to use his flashlight to read through the evening. A few days in, he began to worry about how long the flashlight battery would last, and switched to depending on a candle to read before the dark encroached when he blew it out. Tonight he sat by the curtained window and parted the fabric ever so slightly to let in the waning light. He’d save candle light for later. He read:

Ring out old shapes of foul disease;
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

He’d grown to like Tennyson lately, though he didn’t always understand what he was getting at. It was that way with those old authors, those ancient poets. He made more time than usual for them because in the last week time was all he had. What was that his uncle had liked to say? You have all the time in the world, but that’s all the time you have. Closing his eyes, he reflected; and his mind wandered to what their days and culture had been like. Surely such things had affected their perspective. His mind wandered further as he  recalled something he had heard about the holiday he didn’t celebrate – Hanukkah. Having enough oil to light the menorah wasn’t the problem. The Maccabees had enough oil. It was simply that there was only one jar of pure oil – one with the priestly seal. That jar would last just one night. Just one. Compromise seemed necessary. Certainly easier. But they were unwilling to use adulterated oil for something sacred. And God saw their pure hearts and met their desire for doing what was right. Oil for one night became oil for eight nights. He thought about those guys. He wondered if they’d fit in at the company holiday party. Then he wondered if they’d fit in anywhere.

He sat with those thoughts until they met him in his dreams. When he woke, the dark completely enveloped him, and he knew somehow that the One for whom “the season” was celebrated was watching him, his street, his city, the world to see whether any pure hearts remained. And he knew, too, how compromised his heart had become. Taking the middle ground was popular, even seemingly necessary and had been easy, so easy. Rising from his chair, he knelt on the ice-cold floor. Just knelt. A few tears escaped from his closed eyes. He was so tired. But he didn’t ask for warmth or electrical power, for he was overwhelmingly conscious of how undeserving he was. No, he asked for one thing: forgiveness. Purity.

And God saw his crippled, frozen heart and met his desire for doing what was right. He suddenly felt a sort of freedom he’d forgotten existed.

Then – a quiet hum. He heard it before he opened his eyes: the blessed sound of his furnace! And he rose to bask in the shining lights turned on in every room! The Christmas tree lights! The outdoor lights! The lights decking the houses along the street! He hurried to make some cocoa on the stove (hot soup! hot toast! hot anything!), then threw open his curtains despite the night.

Image: pexels-pixabay-278823-scaled.jpg; Quote: Alfred Lord Tennyson; Source: https://open.substack.com/pub/naomiwolf/p/hanukkah-on-the-battlefield?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

In Silence

Surrounded by pines, a few birch trees, and neglected barberry bushes and undergrowth, the building stood like a soldier in the gloaming. The silence of a snowy night surrounded it in cold solidarity, and the stone structure, carved hundreds of years before, did not yield to occasional wind gusts that otherwise skittered grainy snow across the icy ground.

It had been celebrated at its inaugural opening to the town with speeches and flowers and a large shared meal. Depended upon during important and common occasions both, it was the town’s centerpiece!

But a national crisis came with its hardships and fear, and the building had been conscripted as a field hospital. Seating and large instruments had been stored away, small instruments had been given away, and books boxed and stacked away. The war over, the townspeople found other, newer buildings, and the stone building was deserted.

Eventually though, weary travelers’ hearts gladdened at the sight of it, and a few benches outside its doors became a welcome wayside rest.

Eventually whispers and uninformed opinions about it spread. Someone thought it of little use. The gradual and quiet growth of disinterest grew until the building was sold for much less than it was worth. They – the buyers – made it into a house. However, they, too, lost interest after a time. The property was too remote. The town – too small.

Sometimes words are mighty, but sometimes they are just syllables that dissipate into thin air. And the air – the quiet, purifying air of a Christmas night that was the pnuema of its Creator – began to stir; softly at first, then to swirl with sparkles of gold-tipped frostiness until an otherworldly brightness glowed from the building’s windows and swept over the grounds around it. Pine and birch branches rustled. Barberry bushes’ berries glowed red. And the church that had been used for – well, for its intended purposes – returned to its original stateliness. After all, not all needs are understood, and not all miracles are seen.

Images: annie-spratt-tEHoH5kP7w-unsplash-scaled.jpg; mateusz-majewski-rL40zBCi-Dk-unsplash-scaled.jpg; sharon-waldron-k_PscfWwz5w-unsplash-scaled.jpg; Luke 19:40 “I tell you,” He answered, “if they remain silent, the very stones will cry out.”

A Prayer of Thanksgiving

Almighty God and Heavenly Father, who of Your gracious providence and tender mercy has preserved me, I humbly praise and magnify Your glorious Name for all Your goodness to me this day. If I have walked uprightly and honestly and truthfully; if I have kept my tongue as with a bridle, it is of Your mercy, O Lord, my God; therefore thanks and praise be to You this day; through Jesus Christ. Amen.

Prayer taken from Alone with God, JH Garrison, copyright 1891, St. Louis: Christian Publishing Company.

Pumpkin Seeds

A girl with long black hair and torn jeans sat cross-legged on the cold ground that was on the edge of freezing, but not quite. The pumpkin had served it’s purpose in being part of the autumn display at the entry to an apple orchard where families and infatuated couples came to welcome all things belonging to a change of seasons: apples and their offerings of cider, pies, pastries, and butters; pumpkins in shades of orange and green, perhaps even striped; straw bales, and hay rides. Of course the celebratory mood had left with the customers who now were making lists and checking them twice to have ready after their day – one day – of Thanksgiving.

The woman recognized it, though. The careful collecting of pumpkin seeds to roast and salt, not for a seasonal tradition or treat, but for food. She pulled her car to the road’s shoulder and got out.

“No, no! You don’t need to leave. Please. Stay.”

The girl sat back down, placing her her half-filled bucket on the hard ground beside her.

The woman walked to the now unused entrance, and picked up a pumpkin. As she sat near the girl, she said quietly, “I was reminded of myself when I saw you. I used to do this very thing.”

She deftly pulled out some seeds and rubbed the stringy insides from them. Chuckling, she commented, “Slippery.”

“Yea,” said the girl. Her hands were chapped.

And as afternoon turned into the gray of anticipated mist, the two shared individual stories. The girl told of family struggles and unmet needs and the woman told a similar story of her own girlhood with slight variation. As the bucket filled, two souls looked through the lens of similar experience into God’s provision in the midst of empty buckets and the conviction that hard times and good times could mesh together. And somehow it warmed them.

Images: timothy-eberly-yuiJO6bvHi4-unsplash-scaled.jpg; shaun-holloway-EuEfDQH_AYc-unsplash.jpg; priscilla-du-preez-bJPn27RFg0Y-unsplash-scaled.jpg

Chair Prayer (Lament)

Dear Father, and we call you that because Jesus did and we love the thought that You – in Your glorious majesty and power – not only allow it, but think it is fine for us to do so,

Here we are – just wanting to be in Your presence, not knowing what’s going on in the world and grateful You’re with us during this time of change and shaking and so many voices. And we sit here with You, knowing that all the many, many voices and sources and claims serve mostly to clutter the space between us without lending the truth we really seek. Please know this: we love You. Oh what You have gone through as many have rebelled and pretended and tried to usurp (they never could – You are so much higher and greater). Oh what You’ve watched as the wicked have plotted and acted in ways more despicable than we ever knew or care to know. It must bring such sorrow to You to see people who could be quite good grasp instead at meaningless trinkets (money, fame, acceptance…) and invite corruption into what could have been so good because You extended Your generous hand – You gave talent and beauty and intelligence and they used it for villainy rather than virtue, depravity instead of decency.

And we weep for what You see and the little that we can see. Our eyes have a film over them still, though not as much as there once was. We’ve walked around in a dim stupor, thinking we saw what there was to see. And we didn’t. Although there is nothing we could do to deserve Your presence, we are here and love You. We love you and our hearts ache for what glory was intended and what has happened since the garden. And no matter what, we are Your’s. Our little insignificant selves are on Your side. You’ve said when we’re weak, You’re strong, so there’s that. We’re available for whatever You need us for.

In Jesus’ blessed Name, Amen.